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So I'm a high school teacher, right? And allllllllll day long I hear my kids saying things like, "I can't wait to get out of high school and be on my own." "I'm grown." "When I graduate, I'm gonna do whatever I want." Or, my favorite: "Once I'm 18, I'm gonna have an awesome job that's gonna pay for everything. My own car, my own house, my own everything. I'm not gonna listen to nobody and I'ma be my own boss. Can't nobody tell me what to do. Started from the bottom, now I'm here, type shit." (please note ALL the double negatives in this statement. This is really my life. This is what I have to listen to. What's kept me from committing suicide and ending it all? I have no idea. Also note the Drake reference in everyday conversation. Started from the bottom and you're probably going to hang out there for a while.)
blah. blah. blah. good one, kid. Me, being me, I'm like, "DON'T DO IT! STAY IN SCHOOL AS LONG AS YOU CAN. LIFE SUCKS AFTER THIS, I SWEAR." no one ever believes the teacher, yo. believe me. I'm smart. I know shit. And I KNOW that shit was way better before I was a grown up. I don't care what anyone says: being grown up sucks. My whole life, I was all, "I can't wait to get out of school and be on my own." And then I got on my own and became enslaved to jobs, taxes, and bills. KIDDING ME!?! Did I really used to hope for this? I did. These kids are scratching at the walls trying to be "grown" and I'm all over here trying to make forts out of blankets again. Shit grown ups really say:
I don't even have a job in my field.
Why did I even need that degree?
I gotta go to bed, I have work in the morning.
Jean day on Friday. FINALLY!
Raising taxes? WHAT THE F*CK?
So my premiums went up and my coverage went down?
What's a 401K?
I really regret this tattoo now.
Why is the coffee gone?
DAMMIT! I put my name on my lunch and someone took it anyway!
I slept in today. All the way to 7 am.
I want to take off, but my paid vacation ran out 3 months ago.
My checking account balance is $3 for the next 2 weeks.
I'd love to go to happy hour, but I need a nap.
I hate everyone.
Can I go back to school?
What do you mean I have to wear pantyhose?
Where's the rest of the coffee?
My gas light is on…I think I can make it home.
Why did I think I was fat in high school?
Work is making me eat my feelings.
Kids are so weird these days.
Why does my unlimited data plan cost so much?
Wait, there are two separate charges for water AND sewer?
Seriously, what's a 401K?
Sallie Mae is blowing up my phone right now.
I wanna try new xyz workout but it's so expensive and I'm always so tired.
I like my friends. But I like my bed more.
Who knew insurance was so expensive?
What do you mean, "file my taxes"?
If I'm gonna get through this, I need another bottle of wine.
What does "going ham" mean? Ham is a lunchmeat.
WHY IS THERE NO COFFEE?
I try my best to be nice to people…just kidding. I don't care about other people's feelings.
Dammit. I knew I should have been an engineer.
What the hell am I going to do with a liberal arts degree?
I'm only gonna work at {insert retail chain here} until I can find a job in my field.
Is it okay to live with your parents after 25?
What about after 30?
College was so awesome. Why did we ever leave?
Can I have a raise?
Why can't I have a raise?
Take the degree back, Sallie Mae! I'm not using the damn thing anyway.
On a fitness note: day 2 of #AceAndSteph's60DayKickAssChallenge and I pretty much want to fight everyone and everything. Especially this bitchass flower pot that's been eyeing me. YEAH, I SEE YOU, FLOWERS.
