01 02 03 Eat. Pray. WOD.: The thing about: Apologizing 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

The thing about: Apologizing

Since I was a child, I have mostly been slow to anger and I rarely forgive. Unlike a lot of my family, I will put up with a lot. I will not flash out immediately. I will attempt to have patience. I'll try to figure out solutions and catalysts for behavior before I get mad. But once I get mad, holy shiz. That whole "forgive and forget" thing? Yeah, never learned it. I've worked on the forgiving thing--I have! And now, it's to that point where I just forget you or it ever existed. And that's kind of like forgiving. Okay, it isn't. I'm a work in progress. 

That being said, I've never been one to have a hard time apologizing. It is rarely my intention to hurt feelings and when I find that I have, I immediately feel the need to apologize and attempt to right my wrong.

BUT! (y'all knew there was a "but" coming. Don't pretend you didn't)

Thing I cannot apologize for:
being myself.

I am who I am. It's been like this for 25 years now. I change everyday in someway or another, but I can't apologize for being me.

I can be funny. Sometimes.
I will attempt to hulk smash anyone who challenges me in Jeopardy!
I am stubborn and I hate to be told I can't do things.
I am a dreamer.
Sometimes, I need to be reeled in.
I can see potential in damn near anything.
^^^This is not always a good thing.
I hate resting. When I rest, I feel weak. I have been slowly realizing that sometimes, resting is the strongest thing you can do.
I say what I mean and mean what I say. And I have an expectation that others will do the same.
I am realizing that I should never set expectations for other people. 
I go to bed at 8 pm. 
I wake up at 3:50 am.
I am a fantastic sleeper. Seriously. I've got SKILLS.
I sometimes use offensive language.
I sometimes express offensive viewpoints.
I sometimes do both of the above because I like to play Devil's Advocate.
I love history. I hate geography.
I love my family and friends. And I will fight anyone for them everyday of the week. 
I love Law and Order: SUV and NCIS marathons.
I have a problem being empathetic.
I sometimes hurt people's feelings because I can be insensitive.
^^^Neither of these are intentional.
Most days, I think I'm a superhero. If I could be a superhero, I'd be the Hulk.
I find that the Bible has some pretty good morals of the story.
I think humor can fix almost any problem.
I sometimes use humor to defer problems. 
I want to know everything about everything.
I have the incredible ability to use rap lyrics to solve any classroom problem you can throw at me. 
I reserve the right to redefine who I am every moment of everyday.

Through this blog and through this journey, I have found that sometimes, people don't like what I'm going through. They don't like this me and think I should go back to the "old me" or they think I've changed. And they're right. I am not the same person I was 7 months ago. I'm not the same person I was yesterday! I'm just me. And I hope I'm a better me now, than I was then. It's not the easiest thing to identify, face your problems and try to change them.

What are you finding out about yourself on your journey?

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